Prayer: Helping or Hurting?

Chaplaincy . . . is like, a doctor and a surgeon. A surgeon is the one that comes in and makes those small slices and attends to that one piece that needs to be removed . . . The doctor’s [sic] is to do the pre-care, the after-care, continual care of the person. A chaplain may have to come in and go into one of those sensitive areas.
—Rev. Denise Dunbar-Perkins

Rev. Dunbar-Perkins discusses the ways in which a chaplain must act like a surgeon.

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Chaplaincy, in those cases, is like, you know, a doctor and a surgeon. A surgeon is the one that comes in and makes those small slices and attends to that one piece that needs to be removed and it might be something huge that the person would love to keep but they can't. The doctor's is to do the pre-care, the after-care, continual care of the person. A chaplain may have to come in and go into one of those sensitive areas. I had a patient many years ago come in, she, this particular patient was in almost every other month and we're talking over a period of maybe six years. And always wanted prayer, always wanted prayer, looking at the records, always wanted prayer. Every chaplain in the hospital had seen this person. And so one of the things I noticed in the pattern of the conversations with the person, and I think I saw this person more than others but I looked at all the records and the person would always say, 'Pray for the Lord to make it better.' And doesn't that sound great? You know. [muffled voice over intercom] Okay, that's not my unit, okay, I had to . . . So one day, I just said, a request to make it better and this person's brother was in the room, someone who interestingly I had never met. And I said, 'Okay, but could you tell me what is better?' The person looked at me and said, 'What are you talking about?' I said, 'Could you define better for me?' And they said, 'Well what do you mean?' 'You're always asking for the Lord to make it better, but what is better for you? Do you have a sense of what better is?' And the person kind of went to a [confused noise] you know, and had to realize that they were kind of pushing off, that's kind of the language they'd always used but since they could not name the things that would be better, they were stuck in what was not good for them. And it was very interesting. I left the room, the patient was really happy with me at that point, the brother followed me and said, 'Thank you, for kind of breaking that open.' The tradition was 'Pray to the Lord to make it better, always make it better.' 'Well, better than what?' And at the surface it seemed kind of cold, but I thought it was interesting after that, the person had one more admit and then we didn't see that person again for two and a half years. And it was the, you know, the physical issues were in play, but the getting admitted every other month had stopped after that. And I can't say that I'm a miracle worker or anything, but certainly that question pushed them to the edge and the tradition of, you know, just general praying.

Despite the positive power of prayer, chaplains are cautious of the waysin which it can be detrimental to patients in certain circumstances. They worry that prayers asking for undefined or unrealistic outcomes are not conducive to healing and may actually cause further damage.

Reverend Denise Dunbar-Perkins, a retired staff chaplain at Abbott Northwestern Hospital in Minneapolis, recalled such an occasion, where a patient always asked for prayers to the Lord to get better when she was in the hospital frequently, but did'nt define what getting better meant for her. Rev. Dunbar-Perkins did not believe this approach was productive.

I had a patient many years ago come in, she, this particular patient was in almost every other month and we're talking over a period of maybe six years. And always wanted prayer, always wanted prayer . . . and the person would always say, 'Pray for the Lord to make it better.' And doesn't that sound great? . . . So one day, I just said . . . 'Okay, but could you tell me what is better?' The person looked at me and said, 'What are you talking about?' I said, 'Could you define better for me?' And they said, 'Well what do you mean?' 'You're always asking for the Lord to make it better, but what is better for you? Do you have a sense of what better is?' And the person . . . had to realize that they were kind of pushing off, that's kind of the language they'd always used but since they could not name the things that would be better, they were stuck in what was not good for them.
—Rev. Denise Dunbar-Perkins

With this patient, Rev. Dunbar-Perkins acted more as a surgeon than a doctor, honing in on a specific problem area in the patient's thinking regarding prayer and ultimately helping her move past her mental barriers to healing.

In this clip, Rev. Dr. Verlyn Hemmen discusses the complexities of prayer.

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We're learning so much in quantum physics these days about the power of energy and thought, and that we're all energy, that everything is energy, that when I think about it I think: What is prayer but intention and energy directed towards a positive outcome? So at its very basic level, I don't think you could ever go wrong praying for someone. You're sending positive intent their way, and I believe positive intent makes a difference. I can ramp that up. For some people that translates into very specific requests to God for concrete responses, you know, 'Please God heal my cancer.' I've prayed and been with enough people where that hasn't come true to know the damage that that kind of prayer can be, but if a patient wants me to pray for that who am I to not pray for it? I might ask them, you know, 'So what is your sense about that?' 'What do you think?' 'What would healing mean for you?' Because sometimes we make assumptions too that when patients want us to pray for their healing that it means that their cancer goes away and it isn't really always that. Sometimes they need to have their attitude healed and they need to come to a place of acceptance that whatever happens that they'll be okay with it.

Rev. Dr. Verlyn Hemmen, Chaplain Supervisor and Director of the Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) program at Abbott Northwestern for nearly 20 years, shared a similar perspective on the possible detriments of prayer. He explained how he's seen damage inflicted when people ask for potentially unrealistic outcomes that don't end up happening.

For some people [prayer] translates into very specific requests to God for concrete responses, you know, 'Please God heal my cancer.' I've prayed and been with enough people where that hasn't come true to know the damage that that kind of prayer can be, but if a patient wants me to pray for that who am I to not pray for it?
—Rev. Dr. Verlyn Hemmen

In these cases, Rev. Dr. Hemmen said he would act more like a surgeon in the ways Rev. Dunbar-Perkins described, probing the patient to think more deeply about what they're asking.

I might ask them, you know, 'So what is your sense about that?' 'What do you think?' 'What would healing mean for you?' Because sometimes we make assumptions too that when patients want us to pray for their healing that it means that their cancer goes away and it isn't really always that. Sometimes they need to have their attitude healed and they need to come to a place of acceptance that whatever happens that they'll be okay with it.
—Rev. Dr. Verlyn Hemmen