Traditional Hmong Weddings

Hmong weddings are taken seriously within the Hmong community. Following the traditions derived from Lialue and Trumee who were “the two sons of the siblings who survived the great flood which cleansed humanity”, Hmong weddings typically take two days and one night to complete.¹ Instead of the focus being on the bride and groom, Hmong weddings are about uniting the two families. Families must come to an understanding and know that their side of the family will be loved and cared for. In Hmong weddings, the bride has no say on what goes on during the wedding process. Most of the traditions and values revolve around the groom. For example, the groom-to-be must keep in mind that only one person within the family can get married in a one-year period. If multiple family members get married, it could be dangerous. Another taboo that Hmong people take seriously is regarding marriages between two people with the same last name, and therefore belong to the same clan. These are prohibited because of the shame that would be brought upon the two families.

Instead of the focus being on the bride and groom, Hmong weddings are about uniting the two families.

Every Hmong wedding is different depending on the situation of the bride and her family. For example, widows and divorced Hmong women have short weddings because they were already given a fully extended one. For the men, it does not matter how many weddings they have because weddings are for the interest of the bride’s family and how much her parents want for their daughter.

“The average traditional Hmong wedding consists of four major parts. First, the bride and groom unite. Second, she is inducted into his family on the third morning of their union. This is also the day to send the wedding crew to the bride’s family. Third, there is the grueling wedding at the bride’s family home. The wedding concludes with the groom’s family”. —Dia Cha²

Women enter into marriage through mutual agreement or by force. Woman can easily leave with the man during the night and be taken to the home of the man. Then on the third morning, as said above, the man must send relatives over to her family to arrange for marriage. This process should only be done on a waxing moon. If there were to be any strange and unusual occurrences during the process of bringing the wife home, it is seen as a bad omen and the man must try again another time. These occurrences include “wild animal calls, death, accidents, encountering a snake, or the mention of death”.³

When women are taken by force, they are taken whether they want to or not. If the kidnap is successful, the woman has to proceed with the wedding arrangement. There are occasions where a woman is able to escape, but that would damage her reputation. Mothers would do anything to free their daughter, but the brother and father would not do anything because it is traditional for women to be kidnapped.

Woman can also be forced into marriage by an arranged marriage. There are different scenarios that would cause a forced marriage: engagement by birth, or upsetting the spirits of the house by getting pregnant before marriage, or sleeping in bed together.

The last three examples make for a complicated wedding because sometimes there was no prior mutual agreement. Smooth weddings are those where the bride voluntarily goes with the groom or if she follows him home. This makes it easy for the parents of the groom.

After the bride and groom reach the doorstep, they are greeted with a rooster which is waved in a circular motion over the bride and groom’s heads to cast away bad luck and bad omens.

As the story goes, the Hmong believe that the Dab Pog couple bring children to their parents.  When a child has grown up and marries, the Dab Pog couple is believed to visit the bride in order to bless her on her wedding day.⁴  It is part of the Hmong custom that the bride’s family pack the gloom’s family a lunch consisting of two cooked chickens, some rice, and beverages.  At a half-way mark, the wedding party must stop for lunch so that they can announce the wedding to the Dab Pog couple. The Dab Pog couple will bless the wedding and the road for a safe trip home.